I just got back from my first open water swim. Nervous but not doubting that it would happen I prepare myself as Coach Mike gives us the run down. Lucky for us, the waves were pretty rough and high that morning....ugh! I "guess" it was good to learn the hard way first *rolling my eyes* I was lucky enough to be able to borrow a wetsuit from one of the Captains, Bernie. It was a sleeveless one because I plan on exchanging mine for one just like it. In any case, the first thing we try is getting in the water, jumping over the waves and duck diving under the waves. So we go, I get in nervous but going. I'm able to jump over the small waves and maintain. Then I start getting deeper in and the waves are beginning to get larger. The first duck dive I did wasn't too bad. I dove under the wave and came right up. The next wave freaked me out. I tried to dive but I either didn't go under early enough or not deep enough. I got caught up in it and rolled around a little. I got nervous but finally came up for air. It was tiring. Constantly having to dive and come up for air. The wetsuits do help....I think. So we all go back out onto the beach and take a breather. Coach Mike now tells us that we're going to swim out to the buoy which is about 250 meters out and then wait there for everyone to get there. I look out and the waves just seem to be getting bigger at this point and the FEAR is definitely starting to sink in. The staff asks if anyone is nervous then they can partner up with a mentor, I immediately raised my hand even before he could finish the sentence.
Already being nervous from getting rolled around the first time, I told myself, I can do this, just get passed all the waves. So we line up so they can count us and make sure they know how many went out and how many are supposed to come back....hahah So we're off. I go forward, not doubting that I'm going to make it. I jump though the waves. I dive through the waves. Then it hits me, a double wave. I dive through one wave and as I just come up for air, another wave hits me, unexpected and I'm rolling in it. Freaking out I come up and continue. I try to keep moving forward, not even knowing if I'm going in the right direction, I just want to get passed the break. I dive under a wave and then again, a second quick wave knocks me out. I start swimming because I can no longer touch the floor. I've lost all technique and am just swimming with my head completely above the water. I'm so exhausted at this point that I roll over onto my back to take a break. I hear Coach Mike say, Jane let's go, swim. and I try to and I'm just out of gas. I have no energy and my breathing is very rapid. Once I knew he was right there, I started to freak out and repeated, I can't do this, I can't. I'm panicking I can't I can't. He tries to calm me down and then eventually realizes that I won't be able to swim out to the buoy. So he says, we're going to turn back. So he guides me back and he watches as the waves come up behind us, telling me to duck when I need to. I made it under the waves a few times but most of the time, I freaked out and ate it. Mike continues to lead me back and then says, look it's ok, I'm touching the ground, then I say, but I can't! He then tells me to grab his feet, so he turns around and I first grab his shoulders and then I repeat, Grab your legs?? He said "yes" so I move my hands down his legs and he swims with me in tow. Amazing coaches I tell you! So finally he hands me off to Bernie, to help me get back to the beach. I let out a very inappropriate belch before he leaves and bernie takes me back.
I'm completely exhausted. I feel completely defeated and disappointed. The entire time I was making my way back with Mike, all I could think about is how there's no way I can do this. What the heck was I thinking. I'm going to have to tell everyone that I just can't do it. We walk back to the beach where I met a few others that didn't make it out either. We wait for everyone else that is out near the buoy to swim back. The whole time I just wanted to break out in tears but I didn't want to do it in front of everyone else and I didn't want to take away from the excitement of those that did make it out.
After doing a drill about how to get out of the wetsuit, we all changed and met in the parking lot. I went up to Coach Mike and hugged him and thanked him. Then I just broke down. I started crying and everyone was trying to make me feel better. Ale was telling me how she didn't make it out the first time she went in the ocean too. Ludo joked around and said that I didn't make it out because he wasn't with me. Josie was hugging me trying to console me.
The tears weren't out of fear, they were from disappointment. It's from not knowing if I'm really going to be able to do this. Various mentors are going to be holding more open water swims and I'm going to go to every single one of them. I'm hoping I'll be able to get over this fear soon. The race isn't too far away and it really will be a miracle if and when i finish this triathlon. I need prayers =)
